So, in this, the age of on-line shopping, I ordered a thing. (It doesn’t matter what the thing is, except that it’s small — a couple of kilos at the most.) The company sent me an email that included the line
“Your order has been shipped! How’s that for excitement?”
Excitement? Perhaps not the word I would have chosen, but it was nice to hear. Next step? Wait. Because it was shipped as an “Expedited parcel.” What does ‘expedited’ mean? Canada post is channeling Humpty Dumpty (‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’) because, while to most people ‘expedite’ means something akin to ‘to make something happen quickly’ but to Canada Post it means that they’ll do something when they damn well get around to it. I received my notification very early in the morning of September 17. It’s currently early in the morning of September 21. In that time I could have driven from anywhere in the country to where I live. Canada Post? According to their web site, the package is still ‘in transit’ and won’t be delivered for over three more days.
I’m not complaining that it takes a predicted eight days to ship a package. (Well, maybe a little.) Shipping things faster costs more and businesses choose the cheapest option when they advertise ‘FREE SHIPPING.’ I get that, really I do. I’m just annoyed that Canada Post has the gall to call this particular service ‘Expedited.’